About My Adoptee Truth
There is no end to this journey. I will always be adopted and there will always be healing work to do. But the only place to do that work is standing fully in my truth, in the sun, fully exposed. In the adoptee fog, I did not know what I did not know. The truth and realization were hard and sometimes painful, but they were the only way out of the fog and into the warmth.
In “When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times”, Pema Chodron describes three kinds of awakenings: awakening from a dream of ordinary sleep, awakening at death from the dream of life and awakening into full enlightenment from the dream of delusion. I think coming out of the adoptee fog is equal to this third awakening. Chodron says if we continue to run away from our demons, we try to escape them by acting out instead of spending time looking at those demons and healing them. Until I realized the trauma of adoption, I stuffed these feelings down, ignoring them, thinking they did not affect me. Coming out of the adoptee fog was awakening from the dream of delusion created by the veil of the happy adoption narrative.
Finding out I could heal myself was empowering. Being adopted and the trauma that comes with it were not my fault. Sure, I was frustrated too, and I allow myself to feel that if it still comes up, but I cannot stay there. I am thankful for the knowledge, so I know what I am fighting. If I had stayed in the fog, I would still be confused by the pain and unnamed emotions and feelings.
As they say, knowing is half the battle. The knowledge of adoption and relinquishment trauma allowed me to see the wounds and fix them. The scars will remain, but we can use them as reminders of our strength in overcoming. My goal is to make as many wounds into scars as possible. Along my journey I know I will find more wounds to heal. I wish they could all come to the surface together so I could heal everything at once. But that is not how healing emotional trauma works. Moving forward I will have to recognize my emotions and reactions, check in with myself about what healing work is needed and practice expressing my “just right” responses. I will likely stay in therapy for a long while.
Standing in my truth and fully being able to express that truth is the only place the healing work can happen. I want my truth telling to attract others who support telling and living out truth. I am reminded of the Ugly Duckling. At the end of his story, he is basking in the warm, cheering sun realizing what it means to be really happy because he had grown into his truth.
It is ironic that I am writing this on a foggy, rainy day. I cannot see the sun or the hills out my window. But I know the sun is there, shining above the clouds, just like the truth inside of me. My truth has made itself known and I cannot ignore it. It must be expressed and shared. This website, blog and my books are me standing in the sun. I hope they give you keys to unlock your own truth and paths to healing. We all must stand in the sun, fully claiming our truths because that is the only path forward, to claim and live our most authentic lives.